Yo guys. Todays quite a big day haha. My FIRST performance for the general public Whoo~! well...not really public YET. It's a Xmas party my divison organised. Words can't describe the feeling i have now. Excited, scared and nervous. gosh....I really hope it goes well! O and I so want to Learn Lifehouse's "We'll Never Know".
As Xmas draws closer, I realised how little money i have. sigh. Want to buy present for a FEW people. Want to go out. sianssss i hope i have enough money to survive the holidays.
can't be bothered to even think of a title....just need to let it all out...sighhhh why do i feel jealous? >.< am i losing you? WHY DO I SPOIL EVERY FRIENDSHIP I HAVE?!?!?!?!
Yea this post's untitled. Why>? cause i'm too occupied with stuff to think of a proper title.
Been feeling emo again....Like the WHOLE WORLD'S against me. Friends don't really care about me now...I'm pretty much sure that if i die/disappear now, no one would bother. except my parents/relatives of course.
However the people i hold REALLY close to my heart. Wouldn't know or just plainly wouldn't care.
Sometimes i wonder my purpose. God still has not shown me yet, so i'm sticking to the "trying to be a better person" resolution. Trying to help and love people, and not expect anything from them.
I Know i'm overly sensitive on certain things >.< but....after being in a situation like this i ALWAYS expect the worst esp in these matters.
Too tell you the truth i don't see myself living very long. I don't know why, but i think i would die young.It's better anyway if i did. All this relationships be it friends or something else is too much for me.
I can just imagine, a normal person reading this, ppl i hold dear included, to just shrug this off. Fact is i don't really matter much to anyone.i'm a "forgettable" guy.Always invisble, most probably forever.
I'm not smart, good looking or smart. not charming, not friendly, not socialble. No matter when i analyse myself be it when i'm happy or sad i can't think of positive aspects of myself. The oly difference is when i'm happy i'm able to brush it off and numb myself to the pain.
Loving people has been my weakest point. I can't forget about the person easily. And it's only recently i've been able to numb myself to the feelings i have for my first love. It took sooo long... just to COMPLETELY burry the feeling.
Some people say i'm just wallowing in self-pity.but what can i do? everywhere i look anything i do and i get is failure after failure.
I'm certain only a few people will read this post. Some who read might be shocked. but most wouldn't care. But i don't blame them. I'm disposable anyway. A person to talk to when they're bored/sad or whatever. nth else. well at least i'm grateful i'm able to help some people.....at least, even if i die tonight. i can die with at least ONE good memory.
We been friends for some time now, and really u've become one of the most important person in my life. So important, i really can't imagine a world without you.
Truth is sometimes i like you MORE than a friend, and i tend to go crazy >.<. However at the end of the day, If you're happy, i'm happy.
Recently i've been a bit crazy and been bugging you ALOT.if u're angry/irritated with me i'm not surprised cause i'm angry/irritated with myself too
So I'm sorry for all i've done over these past few days. I hope u accept it T-T.
I feel screwed up now. my brain's almost dead, someone is angry with me i think. and i screwed myself bad. God what am i saying....>< omgggggggggggg help me someone
somethings not right.i shouldn't like her, i just can't. what if i lose all that i treasure again? >.< i'm not gonna let this happen. Is this feeling real? or just imagined by my fickle heart.
God i need a sign. if i lose this, i'll lose myself too.
Update : Thoughts on Call of Duty 5 / Call of Duty : World at War Just and update to say my Thoughts on Call of Duty 5 / Call of Duty : World at War is up and can be found HERE!
Well guys just wanted to say that "my" review site is up. ok it's more like sankalp's blog but i'm a contributor. I've done a review on GOW2 which i've been playing.so read it up here! leave comments okay?
Hello guys. haha time for another update of my life. =D Well anyways if you guys read my xbox's blog (link's at the side.), you guys would realised that I've got GOW2 and been playing it over the weekend. Well today's post is gonna be about the extraordinary lanuch event i attended.
To get things straight, the launch even WAS pretty standard. So thats why i said it was EXTRAordinary XDD. okok lameness aside, the evmade event itself was pretty normal. What, made it special, was the things that happened there. Confused? Don't worry i'll elaborate.
So i dragged Sankalp to the launch event, and arrived like SUPER early. even earlier than the Xperts. O.o But like the saying goes, "The early bird gets the worm." We got a chance to play the GOW2 campaign for awhile! so i took this time to "enlighten" Sankalp on the basics of the game. We were given like 15 mins only, however at the point the guy told us, we've already started up the tutorial. So in the end we only got to like a small firefight before the guys had to set up for a competition. At this point we decided to like join the competition, even though sankalp was a total noob at this game, just for kicks.
So to wasted the other hour plus, we walked around Vivo, and had dinner. When we head back, five consoles were already set up for the competition. However many people thought those console was for demo-ing purposes. It was kinda hilarous to see how the Microsoft guys had to "chase" the people away, to prevent them from screwing up the LAN they already had set up. At this point, Sankalp and me were told to find more people cause the competition required teams of five. We thought of giving up at first as we were worried that the competition would end at 10pm. >.<''' but in the end we joined.
I was soo sure we would lose. Imagine a team of guys suddenly pushed together, 3 average gamer (me and two guys), a total noob (sankalp) and one heck of a talker (another guy), a bunch of misfits against like really good ppl whom i know from Halo 3. Well Mr. Talker was another reason why i was worried. I mean these type of ppl tend to be ALL talk NO show right? WRONG this guy actually LED our team to...wait for it... VICTORY. well as prises we got a GOW Xbox360 Faceplate, and a GOW2 poster. Sankalp was like dumbfounded as to what to do with his prises (he's a PC gamer). "Sell your stuff on ebay lah." I said, and it was as if someone turned on the lights in his mind. XDD
To top it all off, We found JUICE like fruit juice CHEAPER than water OMG!!! it was like 1L for 99 CENTS. haha ok need run off for class. Ciao!
It's All About Life. Hey guys. I'm back! haha I'm like SUPPOSED to be doing CATS now, but inspiration is really avoiding me, so I'm like Blogging to give me (or my brain rather =/) an "excuse" to be NOT doing a piece of work which needs to be handedin BEFORE 3 TODAY. omg, I'm such a procrastinator.
Anyway, trusting God has my Life LESS chaotic, less emo-ish. Why at the start of the week, a few of my classmates said i appeared HAPPIER. O.o do I ALWAYS appear emo? Well anyway, truth is, I HAVE been feeling better, about myself, about the world, even though theres still plenty of condemnation from various sources about me, I'm determined to make this change COMPLETE.
Along with the change I'm striving to achieve, is the fact that i must surrender WHOLLY to God. Including issues i hold especially dear to my heart, for example, relationships. God's been pretty direct in what he wants me to do soo far, in handling certain issues. But for matters of the heart, it's totally different. try as i might to "hear" him, I don't. And I am a teenage boy, with raging hormones. So not liking someone, as a abnormaly for me anyway. Recently found myself attracted to someone i just met O.o. yes i know, i have a knack for liking people i just met. But anyway decided not to do anything unless like God makes opportunity for me to talk to her, like without her friend/s being with her. I'm sure this wouldn't amount to nothing and would probably become another blip on the radar that would go away soon i hope.
O while on the matter of LOVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE, like to congratulate ANOTHER friend of mine, who also RECENTLY got attached. ^~^ Congrats and Good luck Cheryl! And may you and whoever's your beloved stick like superglue through THICK and thin. On a side note, is everyone getting attached or what? O.o
O I have to thank Ben too. Thanks for helping me lower Lyla's action and do even more and like polish my frets till they shone like mirrors. Thanks Alot man, the change might be small but she plays much better now.
O ok that concludes my rant about my life. Haha i'm like currently like in talks with a friend to get GOW2 for me WOOHHOOO o and i hope theres bbq today man. O well cya round guys.O and i've like updated my "wants" list and personal info. to like be better suited for me now XDD BUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Turnin' into a new leaf. Yo guys. The long wait is over. I have finally posted. LOL that starting sounded soo wierd. Well anyway i'm back from the dead, after dying from all the schoolwork, and emotional issues but thinks to a CERTAIN friend *coughs*Bernita*coughs* (XDD) kinda sorted out everything.So heres the things i hope I'll change in.
1)Be less despo. =.=''' 2)More hardworking please ^~^ 3)Practice more on the guitar 4)spend more time with God. as in QT. 5)Get a HIGHER GPA THIS SEM gaah
Yup. LOL kinda my end year resolution eh?o well.
Anyway last week was kinda an emotional week. KINDA. Well a friend i cared quite a bit about told me things of her personal life even her plans. I was totally unprepared to hear what she said.like seriously. Even though i was not showing it, (or so i think) i was litterally O.o. All in all, i have to say, i hold her in the highest respect now. God i wish i have the strength she has too.
O and apparently someone got attached under the radar. LOLS shall not mention who for now but ONCE AGAIN (i know i said this like a hundred times already, but words alone is like not enough to describe my joy for ya XDD) congrats to that aforementioned somebody.
Kay have to head for class now. See you guys in a bit.
Name: Joel
-17 going on 18
-1.8-something metres tall =D
-Mood swings often, at times even more than the rollercoasters.
-EPPS('98 :1F,'99 :2F,'00 :3G,'01 :4G,'02 :5H,'03 :6H),SGSS('04 :1E1,'05 :2E1,'06 :3E1,'07 :4E1),NP AT('08 :1T05)
