Yea this post's untitled. Why>? cause i'm too occupied with stuff to think of a proper title.
Been feeling emo again....Like the WHOLE WORLD'S against me. Friends don't really care about me now...I'm pretty much sure that if i die/disappear now, no one would bother. except my parents/relatives of course.
However the people i hold REALLY close to my heart. Wouldn't know or just plainly wouldn't care.
Sometimes i wonder my purpose. God still has not shown me yet, so i'm sticking to the "trying to be a better person" resolution. Trying to help and love people, and not expect anything from them.
I Know i'm overly sensitive on certain things >.< but....after being in a situation like this i ALWAYS expect the worst esp in these matters.
Too tell you the truth i don't see myself living very long. I don't know why, but i think i would die young.It's better anyway if i did. All this relationships be it friends or something else is too much for me.
I can just imagine, a normal person reading this, ppl i hold dear included, to just shrug this off. Fact is i don't really matter much to anyone.i'm a "forgettable" guy.Always invisble, most probably forever.
I'm not smart, good looking or smart. not charming, not friendly, not socialble. No matter when i analyse myself be it when i'm happy or sad i can't think of positive aspects of myself. The oly difference is when i'm happy i'm able to brush it off and numb myself to the pain.
Loving people has been my weakest point. I can't forget about the person easily. And it's only recently i've been able to numb myself to the feelings i have for my first love. It took sooo long... just to COMPLETELY burry the feeling.
Some people say i'm just wallowing in self-pity.but what can i do? everywhere i look anything i do and i get is failure after failure.
I'm certain only a few people will read this post. Some who read might be shocked. but most wouldn't care. But i don't blame them. I'm disposable anyway. A person to talk to when they're bored/sad or whatever. nth else. well at least i'm grateful i'm able to help some people.....at least, even if i die tonight. i can die with at least ONE good memory.
Labels: Emo, Feelings