._. before i start i have to say this is by far. the worst birthday ever. I don't need presents. i don't need celebrations. i just want people that i care for to care about me. a selfish request i know, but just tis one day let me betruely selfish ._.

Theme song for today

Lryics
いつも通りのある日のこと
君は突然立ち上がり言った
「今夜 星を見に行こう」

たまにいいこと言うんだね
なんて 皆して言って笑った
明かりもない道を
馬鹿みたいにはしゃいで歩いた
抱え込んだ孤独や不安に
押し潰されないように

真っ暗な世界から見上げた
夜空は　星が降るようで
いつからだろう 君のことを
追いかける 私がいた
どうかお願い 驚かないで
聞いてよ 私の
この思いを

「あれが、デネブ、アルタイル、ベガ」
君は指差す 夏の大三角
覚えて 空を見る
やっと見つけた 織姫様
だけどどこだろう 彦星様
これじゃ 一人ぼっち

楽しげな　ひとつ隣の君
私は何も言えなくて
本当はずっと 君のことを
どこかでわかっていた
見つかったって 届きはしない
だめだよ 泣かないで
そう言い聞かせた

強がる私は臆病で
興味がないようなフリをしてた

だけど

胸を刺す痛みは増してく
あぁそうか 好きになるって
こういうことなんだね

どうしたい？
言ってごらん？
心の声がする
君の隣がいい
真実は残酷だ

言わなかった 言えなかった
二度と　戻れない
あの夏の日 煌めく星
今でも思い出せるよ

笑った顔も 怒った顔も
大好きでした
可笑しいよね
わかってたのに
君の知らない 私だけの秘密

夜を越えて 遠い思い出の
君が 指をさす
無邪気な声で

Translation
On a day like every other day,
You suddenly stood up and said,
“Tonight let’s go see the stars”

“You say good things once in a while”
Said everyone as they laughed
On a street with no light
We walked while having fun like idiots.
In order to crush,
The loneliness and uncertainty we were carrying.

I looked up from a pitch black world
The night sky seemed as if it was raining stars
I wonder when, I started to
Chase after you.
Please, somehow
Don’t be surprised and listen
To these feelings of mine.

“That’s Deneb, Altari, and Vega”,
You finger pointed at the Summer Triangle.
I remember and looked at the sky.
I finally found Vega,
But where are you, Altair?
If it’s like this, you’re all alone.

The cheerful you who was one next to me,
I couldn’t say a word to you.
Truthfully, I understood my feelings for you,
Somewhere a long time ago.
I found it, but I won’t tell you.
“That’s no good, don’t cry”
Please let me hear that from you.

I was a coward and put on a tough face,
I pretended to be uninterested.

But…

The pain piercing my chest increased
Ah, I see. To like someone,
Is something like this.

What’s the matter?
Try saying it?
My heart is beating
I’m fine by your side
The truth is cruel.

I didn’t say it,
I couldn’t say it.
We can never return.

To that summer day,
To those shining stars.
Even now, I still remember.
Your laughing face,
Your angry face.
I loved you.

It’s strange, isn’t it?
Even though I know that.
Something you don’t know,
A secret for me alone.
Across the night,
From a distant memory,
You pointed with your finger,
And in an innocent voice,

I can relate to the song esp now... Sigh. I don't know whatto do. even knowing she's falling ill i don't now what i should do. half my mind wants to care the other half wants everything to stop. WHAT SHALL I DO?!?!??!

Gonna skip the whole ofsch today as a bdae gift to self.