*Video of the month has changed ENJOY* : due to the fact only three ppl answered my poll i'm just gonna post another music video...PLEASE LIKE DO THE POLL NEXT TIME HAHA o and also my johari window CLICK HERE


Well title pretty much sums up this posts sorry to whoever reads this blog for not posting, sorry to steph for being paraniod...I really haven't been myself lately...why? a combination of lovesickness, lack of sleep, and my own imagination. I think i'm goin crazy =S...It's another one of those times where I feel so small, so insignificant in this world. With no purpose or like ANYTHING. that really gets me sad inside cause now i really don't have any dreams....ok mayb except maybe getting in a band...which explains why i been practicing mor eon Skye and Lyla.

Well I have been talking to my godsis recently and i realised that, I too see a girl's looks. As in i mind if my future half is VERY ugly..=_=''' ok i'm not being what here but seriously as much asi don't want ot believe it, it's true...I have this feeling this girl (one year older) has feelings for me cause she litterally says hi everytime i go online =_='''. she's good for a friend but seriously i would not like accept her mainly because of her looks....=_=''' not disrespecting any boyfriends with somewhat "ugly" girlfriends, cause 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. But though i say i look at looks it doesn't mean when i see a pretty girl i stare, cause i seriously find that rude ( though girls or guys for that matter, if u see me staring at you i'm trying figure out who you are in my head cause you look familier), neither do i rush to that girl and ask for her no. . I find myself only liking those that are kinda or already my friends....so yea =.='''

Maybe thats the reason why i NEVER get a girlfriend? my standards are too high? My crushes on Delight and now XxXxXx are most likely impossible...i mean if i won't accept a girl who i don't find attractive, it must be the same for them too right?then another reason that my god sister said was my height...and the way that i look...what i mean? well i'm freaking 1.8+ metres tall and hence i easily tower over MOST people, even women in high heels. i mean girls want tall dark and handsome but i'm just too tall for most girls to like me i guess =/ which brings the saying " too much of a good thing is a BAD thing." Somemore i'm not exactly handsome (heck chuck me in the bargin bin where the slightly below average guys are placed), hence my height right now is a BADDD thing...

Another thing that makes me wonder is whether or not i would make a good boyfriend...Which i really cannot say. I mean when I care, i DO care for that person, friend or family or even my girlfriend.however i feel sometimes i bring the caring part over the line up to the point where maybe the person i care for feels akward or to the point where it becomes almost an obssesion. I'm also too sensitive to EVERYTHING especially if the person means something to me (Which pretty much includes all my friends and family). A simple action of ignoring me would send my mind racing through all the stuff i done. Why? cause i would think that i done something wrong to piss that particular person off...and one of my friends believe i give up too easily cause i'm a strongly believe that if the person is/would be happier with someone else,I would give up faster than you can convince me not to. some have calle dme dumb for doing this but hey, liking someone (I won't use the word Love why? i explain in the next paragraph) doesn't mean you need to own it? right? cause as long as the object of your affection is happy you should be too right?

In saying that some of you might wonder why did i use liking instead of loving? that is because i strongly believe that it isn't love till it becomes a two way thing, something that I now have doubts of it ever coming true...and now i'm wondering...since XxXxXx is happy with what she has, shouldn't i feel happy too and give her up?

Labels: Emo, Feelings, Long Rants